As I was scrolling through my news feed on ol' FB this morning I came across a post by Bethenny on her skinnygirl daily page. Part of it read "To reduce stress in your life, surround yourself w/ people who don't judge or criticize you." The cliché "that's easier said than done" came tumbling into my head at massive speeds. I think to some extent we all judge and criticize; every single one of us do. Even those who say they don't...do; which makes them a liar too. A triple threat per se and not the good kind. I'll be the first one to admit that I judge and criticize all the time. I am much harder on myself than the average Joe but nonetheless I judge and criticize other people - most likely on a daily basis. I'm taking steps to change that; for instance instead of saying it out loud I keep it to myself - most of the time. I can't help it, it just happens! Seriously though, I am working on this diligently as its just one of those ugly character traits that is unnecessary.
If I see a lady who's skinny and looks somewhat decent...well she must be a stay-at-home mom who's husband makes all the money and she does nothing but workout and take care of the kids - judgement.
If I see a couple out to dinner and they aren't talking to one another they must be so miserable and just doing something to get out of the house to distract how miserable they actually are - judgement.
If I stumble across a person who can barely fit in a booth at Chili's and they are chowing down on an Old Timer with cheese I ask myself do they really need that - criticizing.
When I weighed 115 lbs and became pregnant I promised myself I would never be one of those women who blamed the excess weight after the baby was born on simply having a baby. I would workout twice a day if I had to...I wouldn't be one of those women.
In the words of Chris Brown "look at me now"...although I'm not getting paper I'm just getting fatter. Blah! Going through the Big D has taught me more than I could have ever imagined it would. Most of all it's taught me to be less judgmental and critical of others; working on the self-judgement and self-criticism portion of that program - baby steps people.
The skinny lady who looked somewhat decent - that was me and no I wasn't a stay-at-home mom. I was a stay-at-home wreck going through a divorce who could barely get out of bed and survived on bottles of wine and smokes for a good 3 months. Let's be real - 6 months, ugh ok maybe 12. "Anyone can be skinny when they're a f'ng train wreck" kindly said by my dear friend Abby.
The couple out to dinner not talking because they are miserable DING DING DING, nailed that one on the head. I truly turned going out to eat into some grand occasion/marital therapy session because I felt like if we were out in public with the gen pop then we had to be o.k. See we're just like everybody else...at least that's what I told myself for several years.
The fat lady who can barely fit into a booth while scarfing down a cheeseburger...well that's not me yet but I've waited on that person many times back in the day when I was a food server. The saddest part, it didn't matter who the particular person was, they were always alone. I consider myself a creative person and God please don't let me create what I fear.
Note to self:
Don't judge a book by it's cover. Also, I'll even go as far as to say try not to cast judgement on a person until you've walked a day in their shoes. I can assure you all those who judged and criticized me during the most difficult time of my life sure as shit wouldn't have wanted to borrow ANY of my shoes much less walk in them; even the few good pair I own.
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