What's in a Name?

Well...here we go people...not that I needed to add one more item to my already full plate (I mean that both literally and facetiously) I've decided I need some sort of release; a forum rather to talk about my struggle with weight, raising 3 kids as a single parent and well, really just life in general. Don't get me wrong, I'm INCREDIBLY thankful for what I have. Let's just say I have a lot on my mind and I need someone to express my thoughts to besides myself. After the encouragement from many friends I decided to start this blog: 86 Big Mama. Please know this is not some narcissistic ploy to bring attention to my lonely little life but rather a chance for me to vent and hopefully transcend this into some therapeutic journey not just for me but for others out there that are just like me. (It's scary but I know there are tons of "me's" running the streets)  If you offend easily this might not be the place you want to get your daily blog fix. I'm a tell it like it is kind of gal and lets just say I'm not very eloquent about it. 

When I saw this picture I wanted to cry. 3 thoughts: 

1. I look about 5 months pregnant and I'm not. 2. I know I got ready in front of a mirror, did I not? 

3. Who let the f'ing bear out of the cage. It's not right

After my first born I started to refer to myself as "Big Mama". I just wanted to put it out there to everyone..."yes, I know that I am fat". I know I'm not skinny like my friend "Kay" who breast feeds and is now skinnier than she was before getting pregnant. PS, that was total bullshit and that is the only reason I wanted to breast feed - so the little barracuda could suck all that weight off of me. It's not right and it didn't last 2 minutes.

I made the people around me uncomfortable talking negatively about my weight. By doing so it gave my then husband free range to refer to me as "chunky monkey" & "frumpy wumpy"; not his fault, I allowed it and that was his way of trying to be comfortable with my self-destructive attitude. I made people who were larger than me feel worse about themselves and the most horrific part is I taught my 6 year old daughter the term "fat". The day she referred to her little 6 year old, 30 pound frame to as "fat" I decided I needed to figure out a way to 86 Big Mama from my life - permanently. 

As I sat last night watching Extreme Makeover :: Weight Loss Edition while enjoying a piece of strawberry cheesecake (totally not kidding)...I figured today was a good day to make some changes. You can expect light hearted comedic posts about my struggle with weight but also a birds eye view into the life of a girl who truly wants to just stop obsessing about pretty much everything, relax and enjoy life. In the past (by past I mean up until yesterday) unless I was a 6-pack or 1/2 of a bottle of wine in this did not/does not happen naturally. Trust and believe. 

Today's Fix: I started the Skinnygirl Cleanse and called my old gym to get pricing again because they have the Les Mills classes that I actually do like. It's time to get this party started. Thank you for attending.