86 Big Mama: Dreams...WTF?!

I’m pretty sure it’s clear by now that I like to knowingly torture myself. Yes? Ok, let’s move on. With that said I naturally drank 2 cups of coffee last night prior to turning in. Yes, I wanted and needed some good sleep. Yesterday was obviously opposite day as quite the contrary occurred; I tossed and turned, came up with some really great ideas and then forgot them. In the midst of the tossing and turning my twisted mind was able to whip up a really bizarre dream. I’m feeling somewhat disturbed by it and need to share.

This is how it went down: My friend Andrea and I are standing in a dirt field waiting for the hot air balloon company to arrive and take us on a little adventure. Eddie Cibrian shows up with thankfully not 1 but 2 utility totes. The exact same utility totes I use for my business. The odds… He instructs us to stand in them and point “northward”. We follow instructions well so we do as told and what do you know? We’re air bound in our magic carpet utility totes and off we go! Naturally I was thinking “well this can’t be right”; not in reference to Eddie being our tour guide or the fact that we were standing in said totes but where the hell was the balloon and the hot air?! Fast forward--the 3 of us are flying in our individual totes; Eddie’s shooting the bull with us and throwing out the occasional cussword to seem “cool”. Um Eddie - you had me at look at your face, no need to talk. (Yes, I’m a dirty old woman even when I sleep) We finally arrive at the top of this mountain which originally started out as the Superstition Mountains but then immediately turned into the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. Why not? Andrea and I are dropped off at the top of a tree and told to bear hug it. What do you know, the tree/pine needles/wood/branches were as soft as a baby's blankie. That was the big surprise ol’ Ed (yes, that’s what I call him now) had in store for us and as you can imagine we felt “special”.

This is when it gets weird and I might need therapy as a result. We drift on down to land where my ex-husband is having a conversation with our old babysitter. Sounds pretty normal and it would have been however old babysitter was naked and applying lotion all over her body. When I say ALL over I mean ALL over; and it was one of those big, bulky bottles from Costco not even the fancy kind from Bath & Body Works like she has in her bathroom. The more peculiar part - there wasn't a sexual tone in the air - logic was telling me there should be so I was somewhat surprised. Nope they were just standing there…one naked babysitter that I’ve known for 10 years and the ex having your average run of the mill chat about how she'd like to make enough money to afford custom made lotion. The End.

{Just a little visual...}

I know what you’re thinking. I’m totally screwed right? And what the hell happened to Andrea? Your guess is as good as mine but if you’d like to take a shot at interpreting by all means…Let me just clear the air and answer the basics really quick:

I went to bed sober and without any type of sleeping agent.
I went to bed sober and without any type of sleeping agent the night before as well-and the night before that.
I did not eat a pickle before I turned in.
I do not have posters of Eddie Cibrian in my bedroom although I should.
I did have a conversation with my friend Andrea last night but it was not about going on this type of road/sky trip.
I have never seen my babysitter naked.
I’m pretty sure the ex has never seen her naked either. It’s a crap shoot with that guy though.
I am in fact out of lotion.